Wednesday, May 28, 2008

yoo hoo! It's new!

"Sunny" and I are blogging together.
Yes, you can look. We keep our clothes on
when we blog.
You can blog without your clothes because
we can't really see you
(unless you include photos or video)
It's up to you.
So, send Sunny a welcome note.
She'll submit her first post real soon.

Monday, May 26, 2008

filled with emotion

I am filled with emotion. At times I am happy and all my cares fade away. All my thoughts about the woes of the world are lost in those moments of joy. Other times I am shaken with the images and reports of sad eyed children, angry men, crying people in disasters and looks of desperation that are part of the everyday life of some. I try to remember my fortune and keep that perspective when I am feeling overwhelmed about my job or my home life. "Try" being the operative word. I am not always successful.
I have struggled with depression since childhood. I didn't know what it was back then. I just thought I was not good enough. It wasn't until about 10 years ago that I realized that what I experienced is depression. I got counseling then and now I take medication. It is the right thing to do. It beats the alternative. Maybe I will be able to do some of the things I have wanted to do instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
The end.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Where the hell I've been

Our wireless router has been on the blink.
I really couldn't blog from work.
It has taken me a while to catch up
so I will not be very creative here.
However I have another question for you

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

What do you think?

Here is a question that I have been batting around for a while.
The purpose is to generate self reflection.
What do you think I think about you?
The answer will be a reflection of what you think you project
and what you think the meaning of my responses to you are.
Please tell me the answer to the question,
your impression of the worthiness of the question,
or both.

Friday, May 2, 2008

For Sharon

Well Well! anjin-san, colie.doll and Lorie, aren't you the supportive sorts. Thanks for the notes. I enjoy them and imagine all sorts of meaning into them. That's fun.
Relax in the mossy forest. Take off your shoes and well, whatever else you feel like taking off. There is nothing here but the smell of moist foliage and the feel of soft, leaf covered, moss under your feet. Lie back and look up into the sky through the branches. Let the beams of sunlight that break through the canopy entertain you with the insects and shadows that play in them. You feel yourselves getting drowsy in the warm afternoon air. As you drift off into a lazy sleep-like trance you think of your childhood playmates and the games that you played together. Remember the buttery smell of the food prepared in houses nearby that drifted into your playground wherever it was. It made playing seem easy and reminded you of the delectable supper that was being prepared for you at home. The sound of children's laughter rings in your memories as you sink slowly deeper into the soft mossy bed you have nestled into. The forest watches over you as your dreams become almost real. Smells, feelings, thoughts, sensations, sights, tastes...all are there in that quiet moment. In your minds eye you play out the actions and adventures you love. There are no limits to your imagination. You can change events and make them even more enjoyable than they were when the happened. Your wishes come true. Your fantasies come to life. The excitement builds as you guide yourself through your dream making it just the way you want it to be. You are in the deepest, most relaxed sleep you have had since you were a young child that could sleep anywhere. In this deep sleep you feel a sense of euphoria that lifts you up above the tree tops. You suddenly find that you are looking down at yourself on the mossy forest floor. Realizing that you are floating in the air is not frightening, it is even more relaxing than ever. Now you look up and take in the sights around you. The tops of the trees go on as far as you can see. This carpet of trees rises and falls in wavelike hills and valleys. The sun warms you and the few clouds you can see look soft and vaporous. As soon as you think about moving toward one of the clouds you are there sweeping through it as though it were the softest silk. Feeling the coolness of the cloud you open your mouth and taste the refreshing mist which now coats you in a fine covering of dew. Onward you push as your thoughts turn to the those you love. Now you are in their presence. You can see and hear them but they cannot see or hear you. They speak about you in the warm glowing terms that you hope for. They do indeed love you. They love you with an intensity that surprises you for it is the same intensity with which you love and adore them. Yes, it's true. You are deeply loved. Deeply, intensely, truly loved.
A quietness comes over you and you remember yourself lying on the floor of the mossy forest. Just as quickly you return to your starting point and see yourself lying there. As you approach, you look upon yourself and realize that it is with the same intensity and depth that you love that person lying there in front of you as you loved and felt love from the others. With this feeling you lie down into your body and experience a sense of peace that reaches your very core.
Slowly you begin to wake. No time seems to have passed. The feeling of refreshment invigorates you as you rise from your soft bed. Looking around, you see your way and start to walk. As the mossy forest floor gives way under your feet the memory of your dream begins to return to you. You long to return to the mossy forest. The mossy forest awaits.